It is said that as our journey inward intensifies, that which we seek – God, Truth, etc. – goes ahead of us ‘straighten the crooked places.’ Part of that process is to remove relationships that distract from that journey.
Not so long ago that loneliness would have disturbed me. It would have become a matter of ego.
Today I crave the alone time, the long solitary walks, the quiet. The outside world has very little to offer because whatever is out there is already ‘in here,’ so to speak.
How curious these past 15 years. What I thought I wanted then was nothing like what is wanted now, and the one seeking both is no longer recognizable to itself.
The world around me agitates as it always has and always will. But there’s absolutely no interest here. I couldn’t tell you the news of the day aside from any headlines that sneak their way into more interesting feeds.
There is such an unimaginably wonderful Truth hidden in plain sight, but those agitated minds do not rest long enough to even consider it. During my daily walks I see others out, but always with a smartphone in the hand, earbuds pumping still more noise into their brains.
I remember my own decades’ of restlessness, of earnest anxiety and unrest. Increasingly, that is a fuzzy memory.
At the same time those supreme moments of suffering – and boy was there a lot of it over an extended period of time – are seen as gifts designed to roust me awake (or to at least go looking).
The gratitude for that suffering and its instigators is very real and continues to grow over time. In fact, when I think of my late-father today, I feel very warm and fuzzy – he was nothing more than life playing a role that was hugely important to this life and its role.
There is, of course, no way to determine where this journey leads next. But in God I do indeed trust – whatever is to be will be and that was always going to be the case whether I joined in the journey or not.
Happy trails to any who alight here.
